As “A Trinity Family,” we have been talking about the central importance of defining what “success” looks like for our families.
The privilege and responsibility to know and articulate what success looks like for a family lies with parents. When families know where they are going both inside and outside of the home, it is easier to go there together.
This “success” does and should look different to every family. We are all unique individuals, and we have unique calls, needs, and gifts. However, there are universal elements of success, five specific pillars I have defined.
Lets begin by looking at the book of Genesis in the Christian Bible for success quality control.
The Two Trees
“Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’” (Genesis 1:28 NKJV)
In this original command of God to the first family lies the twin call of humanity. Fruitfulness and multiplication or raising the next generation is the first tree while subduing and dominion is the social call to improve the world and the second tree. Each family can begin by ensuring the growth of both trees from the family unit.
Fruitful and Multiply – Do you have a clear plan for how you want to raise the next generation and how you are going to leave them with more than what you were given? This includes financial, spiritual, emotional, relational, and wisdom inheritance.
Dominion – Are you building outside of your home, alongside and with your family an organization, movement, or collective calling through which you are bettering the broader world?
Our ability to answer yes to both of these questions is essential to our ability to live happy lives as families. Like fruit trees which often need pollen from two species of trees to produce fruit, I believe both trees must be alive and cross-pollinating in order to achieve whole familial life.
And the final three . . .
“Therfore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:24-25 NKJV)
Become one flesh – A marriage is to be marked in unity by becoming one flesh physically. However, unity must stretch beyond the bedroom for a successful marriage and familial tree. As a couple are we ever growing more and more into a unified person?
If this is thought of in business terms, the best marriages are not a corporate buy-out where Company A buys out Company B. Nor are they a side-by-side model where both companies continue to operate independently, but simply mutually benefit from each other (think Target and Starbucks). The healthy marriage life is altogether new: Company A comes together with Company B and becomes Company C with a new name, new mission, and new culture.
This concept deserves further attention, but essentially, is your Company C ever more defined, exciting, and known, or are you simply a co-op of companies who happen to sleep under the same roof or room or in the same bed? The successful family is one, and ever-increasingly so.
Both Naked - Simply put, is vulnerability the norm for your relating? Ask every member of the family if they feel known by everyone else. If not every one can say yes, than “success” has not been found, or at least it has been temporarily set aside.
Not ashamed – The final element I would like to highlight is the absence of shame. Shame is the lie which tells any person they are not enough naked – without the job, without the money, without other’s praise, without “success.” If “success” is coming at the expense of any family member’s self-worth, and security as an individual it is coming at too high a price. Success is to be a family, of many unique individuals, and to be free from shame!
When taken in whole these five elements offer a beautiful and sturdy foundation for the human family. Build whatever “success” you want and remain true to these core pillars, and it will be a “success” worth having. Enjoy the journey!
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