I’ve been chewing on the seed of a thought for some time now, and this morning on a run, it developed at least a bud of an insight. It turns out the fertilizer needed was something I am everyday surrounded by: the film “Frozen.” My kids play it all the time; we have dresses, hair clips, plush toys and even dinner prayers I’ve written to the tunes of each song. It was the latter family joy which brought the inspiration as I ran singing the lyrics to “Do you want to build a snowman?” The insight is around the subject of fear, and particularly its influence with regards to children and parenting decisions.
Frozen is a film about two sisters, who don’t know each other at all. They were once close, but due to the magical ice powers of one of them (and a subsequent accident), their parents decide to separate them. Their parents die prematurely leaving the two girls alone to rule in their stead. The oldest magical one must open up the castle gates to be crowned queen, and the youngest can’t wait to meet people, experience new things, and maybe find “the one.” The gates open, the youngest decides to get married in the span of a few hours, the two sisters fight, the oldest reveals her ice powers in anger and freezes the whole country, a witch hunt ensues, both sisters nearly die, and the manipulative fiancé almost makes off with the kingdom.
If we trace all the twists, tension, and terror of “Frozen” back to their origin we end up at the fear of two parents, well-intentioned fear, but fear nonetheless. None of this could have happened if Elsa would not have been isolated, and “protected” from the rest of the world. Elsa and Anna would have been closer in their relationship, ignorance would not have played such a crucial role, Anna would not have been so naïve, and perhaps love would have had access to thaw frozen hearts much earlier. It is sobering to me how so much drama and trauma can be prepared by the fear of two well-intentioned parents.
There is a prophetic decree uttered over Elsa in the beginning of the film by a troll named, Grand Pabbie. He says, “Fear will be her enemy.” As parents we must realize this decree is true of all our children. Fear is their enemy. It is our enemy. As parents we must set the precedent and face fear head on: fear of negative influences, of danger, of bad decisions - it matters not.
Another quote from the film says, “True love can thaw a frozen heart.” I believe in a God who is Love, a Love Who is actively seeking out and cultivating the hearts of all people. There are scary things in the world, things I don’t want my kids influenced by. And yet, it is this world God has brought them into in order to have dominion. It is them he has given unique “powers” which are both dangerous and fragile, and it must be He who I allow to bring them to fruition.
I started this blog talking about seeds, and I think the imagery is fitting for parenting as well. As parent I am gardener, not grower. No man in human history has grown a garden. Seeds are planted and cared for, but the growing energy comes from within, not without. Parents tend their children, but only God makes them grow.
Our family planted apple trees in our backyard a few years back with little to no knowledge. Winter came and the rabbits were hungry, they stripped the bark off the tree-trunks and our trees died. We should have protected them. It was our responsibility as gardeners. Now, in wisdom, we have placed small fences around our new trees to keep the rabbits out. This is wise protection. I am not afraid for my trees. Fear could drive me to guard my trees with a shotgun, to declare war on all rabbits, and when it first happened anger came close to driving me there, but this would not be wisdom. My trees need to be out with the rabbits, and the elements where they can grow. So do our children. 1 Corinthians 10:13 reads, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” Today for the first time I realized this is true of children as well. He is their God, just as He is ours. He is faithful. I must lead my children in the ways of God. I must set up boundaries to protect from rabbits they aren’t ready for, but I must make sure wisdom, not fear, is dictating my decisions. Like Elsa, they are made with these powers in this place for a reason. I must trust them and Him with them. They will not be tempted beyond what they are able. Any attempts in fear I make to control, “protect,” or shelter will almost surely have icy effects.
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