Two shall become one flesh. This is more than a sexual phenomenon. It is both the essence, and the secret, to every thriving marriage.
I read an article recently in TIME magazine about Jimmy Carter and his wife. The article was showcasing the work the ninety-year-olds were doing for Habitat for Humanity. It also shared a bit about their history as a couple and their lives since leaving the White House. There were a number of quotes from both of them, and what struck me as extremely beautiful was the evidence of their fulfillment of this scripture. This couple has been through a lot together. They have shared the highest office in the world, as well as a quiet, secluded life at their Georgia home. It appears to me they have been about a shared business in all of it. Their quotes come from the same spirit. They’ve spent their life together, and I think they’re an example of a rare couple who knows what they’re about and is about it together.
Everyone knows successful businesses are those with unified vision.
Apple is great because everyone there “Thinks Different.” What makes your marriage, and your family, great? Too few couples can answer this cohesively. Remember the Newlywed Show? In the show, the husband and wife are asked the same questions but separately. The goal is to get the same response. The goal of business leaders is the same. Every employee should be able to tell any customer, or any interested party, what our company is about. The great ones accomplish this. Great families do the same.
It is not easy to be great. This level of unity and cohesion is remarkably unique because it cannot be done accidentally. It also cannot be done overnight. Marriage is often thought of as something we receive on our wedding day. Union was accomplished when “I do” was exchanged. The unfortunate side effect of this presumption is the abundance of couples who fail to persistently continue the process of becoming one flesh.
It is my belief every married couple has two jobs to do in this lifetime and they are called to do them both together. The first is to raise the next generation (in most cases this will be done with our own kids, in others through nieces, nephews, youth programs etc.) The second is to impact, to lead, to help grow up the broader world in some way or another. Every couple should be about the same unified business on both these fronts, even as certain activities to this end may differ. Too often the nature of this business goes unarticulated at best and divided at worst. When we aren’t doing the same work for the same reasons, we cannot grow in unity. Instead, we structure our lives in a way which breeds division (For more information about this structuring check out my blog on The Marriage Merger)
I know little about the Carter family, but the communication I read coming from both of them betrayed a deep and joined commitment to the simple rights of all people to work and from work receive the necessities of life. They have spent the last several decades sharing this vision, even if they would articulate it differently than I summarize it. As president and first lady, they shared a vision even as they had differing responsibilities. As quiet Georgian citizens, they shared it in the money they gave, the friends they made, and the solitude they shared. As Habitat for Humanity volunteers, they shared it.
Like any great business, the healthy marriage is propelled by shared vision.
This is the foundation and the essential key to the lifelong process of becoming one flesh.
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