I continue to be overwhelmed by the importance of the new. New experiences are the scariest moments in our lives, but also the most exciting; the most stretching, but the richest.
I am convinced one of the key ingredients for thriving human-beings is new.
If we live the lives and lead the families we are supposed to, we will continuously find ourselves in unfamiliar territory. Such consistent advancement keeps us dependent on each other, keeps us trusting, and keeps us growing as individuals.
Without it, we grow stagnant, weary, and apathetic.
Our marriages, families, and schools desperately need a good dose of the new. When I was newly married, everyone told us to enjoy the “Honeymoon Phase” because it wouldn’t last. As parents, my wife and I get told to “enjoy them while they’re young.” In school, Kindergarten is the greatest thing in the world, and our 12thgraders have a mysterious disease we call Senioritis. Stagnancy, boredom, and burn-out are the epidemics strangling the American family.
This is only exacerbated in a world where change and instantaneous access is the norm. Technology becomes outdated before the first model is even purchased by a customer. I could spend the rest of my life watching Youtube videos and never watch a repeat. The potential to accumulate and experience new is greater than ever before, and ironically because of that, we actually have a harder time benefiting from the power of new in our lives.
We try new things as an external salve to soothe our irritated souls, when what we really need is a steady diet of ingested new which will actually make us new.
There was an ancient King of Israel named Solomon who had the same problem. He started his reign fiery and excited. He achieved his life’s goal early in the building of a temple to God. He became the wealthiest and most powerful man in the world, not to mention the wisest. And then, the man who had everything, sank into what he himself termed “vanity.” Having arrived at his goal of temple completion, life soon lost its luster. He attempted to regain it through experiencing new foods, new cultures, new women. None of it worked. The salve did not soothe. It was all vanity. This acquisition of new failed Solomon, and it is failing many modern families and marriages.
Instead, the secret to the life-giving new is not acquisition, not even experience, but the transforming journey which ever makes us new.
The honeymoon phase of marriage is exciting because we are becoming new people as we learn how to live together and make a home together. The early stages of parenting are exciting because we’re new, learning on the fly, and yes, even working through our sleep deprivation. Kindergarten is exciting because I’m learning what it is like to meet new people and be away from family. In all cases, I am put into a new location (whether geographic or relational) which necessitates my becoming new in order to occupy that space.
The thriving marriage, the thriving family, the thriving student, as well as the thriving business keep this new, this “entrepreneurial,” edge. They refuse to arrive. I recently read Willy Wonka with my oldest son. Wonka is incredibly passionate about his work making candy, full of life and an incredibly unique and free character. He lives so fully because he has never settled, never quit inventing, never quit exploring new confectionary territory. In the end of the book, Wonka gives his entire business to little Charlie Bucket. What a gift, but as I read the book I was struck also by the immensity of the risk before Charlie. He inherits what is every child’s dream, but just like Solomon of old if he does not pick up in the spirit with which Wonka left off, his inheritance will kill him. Even a wonderland of candy will become boring, bland, and in (more than one way) heart-stopping if he cannot continue to grow within it.
Like Charlie Bucket, many of us find ourselves having acquired our dreams of marriage, family, education, and business, but it feels like they are killing us.
We feel cramped and bored, and it is easy to blame it on the marriage, the family, the education, the business. These things are not the problem, however. We are. Honeymoon marriage, newborn family, Kindergarten learning, and forever start-up business are all possible, as is the continual joy which comes with them. Possible if, and only if, we commit ourselves to the new. Not acquiring it, but becoming it. It is always uncomfortable and usually quite risky, but the only place humans were made to be satisfied is occupying new space.
Serve yourself and your family by finding some new territory, and taking it together.
Leave a Reply