As “A Trinity Family,” we are huge proponents of parents living life in and withtheir children, but the slope from withto foris a slippery one.
In T.H. White's classic work, The Sword in the Stone, Merlin educates his pupil,
“Education is experience, and the essence of experience is self-reliance.”
As a generation of parents rises in our country more involved and more prone to Pinterest-inspired fun, it is imperative we insure it is a generation of parents likewise committed to allowing our children to be educated by experience and through experience to gain self-reliance.
Thomas Merton wrote his own classic work entitled, No Man is an Island, but the opposite is equally true: every man is an island. When decisions must be made and crises faced, every person stands alone to choose their way. It is true these decisions have ramifications far beyond the individual and generally they are made more wisely in the midst of healthy relationships. These are the important points Merton would make, but it does not change the fact, at the point of decision, each person is intrinsically alone.
We are raising children for a life that is uniquely theirs, at times terrifyingly only theirs, and they need the education of experience to be able to trust themselves in such moments.
The reality of kids ill-equipped to stand alone has the potential of reaching an epidemic in our time. So much of school education is directed toward developing knowledge receivers not learners. There is a difference. And if this continues to be coupled with kids at home receiving experiences only once properly scheduled, planned, and catered by parents, we will raise a generation incapable of leading a family, organization, and nation because they are incapable of leading and managing themselves. In our homes, we must continue to plan great activities for our kids, we must invest in life with them, but we must couple it with the following, equally important gifts that will allow them to stand for themselves:
- Kids must direct their own reading, study, and hands-on experiential learning. In the realm of education, parents and educators serve best with a mindset of mentor and guide, not teacher or lecturer.
A great resource to develop this capacity is A Thomas Jefferson Education (by Oliver DeMille).
- Kids must be given consistent (and increasing with age) opportunity to be idle. This is not in the sense of doing nothing, but in being required to plan their own time and held accountable for how they use that time.
- Kids must be directed and disciplined in ways that force them to think about the cause and effect of their actions, not external rules or punishments. External law teaches not nearly as well as the education of experience.
Love and Logic is an organization with great resources for discipline with this mindset;
Loving on Purpose is a great book using Love and Logicconcepts to begin thinking through the paradigms we parent with.
Pursue fun, pursue connection, but let us not forsake building self-reliance in our children.
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