Every child is born into this world a character looking for a plot.

As parents and influencers of children, we either meet those little characters with a life narrative that is compelling and inspiring, or, through a narrative void, send them looking elsewhere for a story worth living. The more I meditate upon the role of parents and great mentors the more I am convinced story is our truest vocation with regards the next generation. Many of our families are suffering from disconnection and dissolution due to a narrative void.

Even those ill-familiar with the majority of the Bible have likely heard references to the twenty-third Psalm. David writes in this most famous of texts,

“Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

This simple phrase has profound insights for leaders of the next generation. David experiences the shepherding hand of his God in two ways, both of which bring genuine comfort. It comes first holding a rod, the stick shepherds use from behind their sheep, probing them and guiding them in the appropriate direction. It comes also carrying a staff, the walking stick that leads out the sheep, showing them by example the better ways to go. In essence this staff is story, the leadership narrative which parents are inviting their children into. I believe it is the key distinguishing factor between parents who raise happy, healthy children and those who don’t.

Most training of parents and educators equips them in the use of the rod. We call it behavior management, discipline techniques, and when we speak of parenting, many of us can think of little else. The business world uses different language to discuss the same phenomenon, distinguishing between management and leadership. The manager provides expectations in the form of lists; to-do and not-to-do to clarify expectations. He wields the rod to make it happen. Use of the rod is not the main point of this blog, but I must make a few important points with regards its use before applying the rod to myself and returning to the main track of this writing. First of all, rod does not equal spanking. In fact, I have determined never to spank my children. I believe there are far better discipline tools which fit more accurately the narrative of the story I am inviting my children into. Secondly, if you are ill-equipped in the rod, you cannot succeed simply with story leadership. I have tried. I took over the leadership position at my school many years ago with the naïve assertion I would be a leader, not a manager to my staff team. I gave it quite the try, but frequently looked behind me to find my flock wandering. They were inspired by the story I was leading them in, desirous to follow, but lacked the internal control to stay the course. I was forced to develop the management skills necessary not to manage my team’s behavior, but to train them to manage their own. The rod cannot be spared or the child following will indeed be spoiled.

All of this being said, without a convincing narrative provided by a leader, the manager’s expectations become dogma without life, hollow systems without the breath of story to animate them.

Story is the tool wielded by all great leaders and parents. With it the rod is less often necessary, the reasons for the rod when necessary more clear, and the use of the rod naturally more encouraging, inspiring and connecting to the one administering it.

I’ve been working hard of late to remember and record as many specific memories from my childhood as possible. I am fascinated to find how many of the few things I remember are linked to stories of my parents. The foods I ate which stand out to me are Weiner casserole and Rosemary’s Palau, both recipes from my mom’s family that were accompanied by the tales from her childhood of eating them. The toy I spent most of my time with, and which echoes throughout my life still, was Hot Wheels tracks I inherited from my dad, toys I got to hear the stories of his playing with. I never received a don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs talk from my parents. I would indeed have done well with more conversation, but I avoided the worst of this pitfall because of one simple story my mom told. She shared how when she was young her best friend offered her a cigarette and my mother slapped her in the face. I was so impacted by the narrative force of my mother ever slapping someone that it wiped out all temptation any of these vices had for me. It was not a part of the story I would be writing. These are all minute examples of the powerful way children hunger for the family narrative. They are hardwired to find it, but alas, in so many families, as it was in my own, these stories come mostly by accident, if at all.

In a world drowning in good, bad, and terrible story, broadcast through Youtube, social media, and the movies, I believe a generation of parents and adult influencers can arise who tell a life story to the next generation which cuts through all the noise.

Children yearn to follow in their parents’ footsteps. Rebellion is the measure of the desperate, the anxious, those starved for a life worth living. So many find that path and the most central reason is because the leaders in their life, (Yes parents that’s you), are not leading out with a life story worth emulating. Children will follow and surpass the footsteps of any parent who consistently communicates in word and deed a compelling life story. What decisions did you make today and why? How did you grow up today? What are the privileges and opportunities you are working hard today to make possible for your kids’ kids? These are just a sampling of the kinds of questions good parent leaders answer in the stories they tell. I have talked elsewhere about the four-I’s of motivation. People find motivation where they are inspired, interested, intoxicated, and where they find intimacy. (Read more here.) Story is the tool we wield to motivate our kids down the life path of abundance.

Kids are watching and when they see and hear good stories from the lives of their parents they will not look away.

Tell those great stories.

Do it daily.

Invite your children into those great stories with you.

Watch them surpass you and in turn let their stories inspire you.

Then it will truly be said, “Your rod and Your staff, they comfort us.”