Study, Steward, and Share your life stories pre-children,

as well as the stories of those gone before you 

It is so important children hear where we were before they existed. The stories we are proud of will inspire them to similar excellence. The stories we regret, if told appropriately, will serve as powerful warnings and will prevent them, more than any rules or lecturing, from repeating our folly. The stories which are just fun or funny will serve to connect them more deeply to you, your family, and the story they have been born into.

 

Write a memoir, create a memory bank, photo albums etc. –

Use whatever tools you need to capture as many memories as possible and convey them to your kids. Our family photo albums sit in our living room and are pulled out frequently by curious kids who love flipping through the pages and asking questions about certain scenes.

 

Invite Questions, Questions, Questions –

I recommend setting aside specific time for kids to ask questions about your life, family history etc. Our son has been asking questions like, “tell me a story from when you were in the sixth grade.” These questions stir up new memories in us, provide us an opportunity to display and practice good oral storytelling, and instill in him a respect and value for those gone before him. I have begun creating a list of questions I use to inspect my own past, as well as questions I can draw from to extract stories from my parents and grandparents who are still living.

 

Plan and Share Good Stories from every day lived 

Culturally we are used to planning one or two great vacations a year which receive our intentionality, and later our reflection upon their excellence. This is not good living, however. Good living can include great vacations, but it must also happen on a daily basis. Our days need to be planned with intentionally great stories, and given space in which to recollect those stories even moments after they were lived.

 

Three Great Scenes –

I’ve shared this tool many places, but it is my rock star. Every morning I record three great scenes from the day before, and think ahead to the coming day to dream up moments I could make great scenes for the day ahead.

 

Meal Times –

One meal together per day should be the bare minimum imperative of every family. Meals have throughout history been the time for tales and are such an excellent time to get everyone in on the story-telling of the day. What did you enjoy? How did it shape you? These stories and time spent telling them shape an expectation in the family for life lived well, life lived growing, and provide a connection through the shared delight in each other’s individual tales and achievements.

 

Weekly Planning –

For so many families they blink and the week is over, and then the month, and before they know it they are scrambling to get the family vacation planned. Life will happen to us if we don’t happen to it first. A dedicated time every week for the parents of a family to plan out the coming days goes a long way to stewarding good story. By weekly checking in, we are able to make the slow, but steady improvements in every area of life. Life does not change overnight, but with consistent and repeated tweaks and adjustments. Weekly is a great time to reflect and celebrate the seven days gone by and plot and inspire seven even better days coming ahead.

 

Take the Leap into Serious 

The great families of history can have a tendency to over-seriousness, but we do not serve our children well by falling into the opposite ditch. Life is serious business, and story is only compelling with conflict. It is absolutely imperative that we as parents are having consistent serious conversations with our family. This should not look like sitting down because “it’s time to have a serious talk.” The more normal this can become the better. Here are some tips for how to make it so:

 

Move from What into Why –

As we share about our days it can be easy to just tell what we did, but the greatest fruit, may be provided our children when we can discuss our reasons for our actions. Today I read a book over my lunch break turns into today, over lunch, I took the time to read my book about George Washington, because I am so impressed by his capacity to lead an army with almost no experience and make them great. At work, I often don’t feel like I do the best job leading my staff and I want to do better. I also really want to start that business we’ve dreamed about some day, and I know I need all the skills I can  develop to know how to inspire people.

 

Define and Discuss Family Culture –

By having specific attributes we claim as a family, we provide our children serious language they understand. Our family has ten words including: generosity, honor, peace. These are big and complex subjects, but because we talk about them frequently these words provide gateways for them into the world of vague, subjective human character.

 

Pause and plunge when kids ask tricky questions –

Kids are great at asking hard, serious questions. We should make a parental rule to always pause and plunge, or pause and schedule when they do. If the moment allows, drop all else, and let the question become a story-time as you convey some thoughts about whatever subject they are inquiring about. If the moment does not allow, then drop all else, and schedule out loud a time to talk with them about that. “That is such a big and important subject. So big, I don’t think we can talk about it now, but tonight, after everyone goes to bed, you can stay up late, and we’ll talk about that.”

 

Practice to become great Story-Tellers 

If you doubt the power of story think about the miracle it is to take a hundred strangers, each as busy as the next, place them in front of a screen, and watch them forget everything they need to do apart from the story playing before them on a screen. Story is gripping, and if we intend to invite our children into a compelling life-narrative we do well to practice our capacity to deliver it.

 

Family Games –

We’ve been playing a game as a family where we use pictures to inspire a collective story. Every player gets two pictures, (ours come from a game called Dixit, you could use newspaper or magazine clippings) and someone begins by playing a picture and providing a sentence about it. Others take turns adding sentences, and eventually someone else uses not only a new sentence, but a new picture to build the story. Our 3, 5, and 6 year-olds have been loving this. Get creative and just have fun making up stories as a family.

 

Make up written and oral stories –

Next time you put your kids to bed ask them for a topic for a story, rather than having them pick out a picture book. Tuck them in and invent a story about the ant and the helicopter they mentioned. Our kids each have stories I’ve written about them, I am currently writing a chapter book with nearly daily installments. None of these things are excellent or polished, but they are fun, making me a better story teller, and uniting us as a family behind characters I believe in.

 

 

 

It may be some people’s reaction to dismiss most of this as not their cup of tea. We are a culture of expertise, and some of us, we are convinced, just aren’t story-tellers. For most of human history oral story was education, history, and entertainment. There were the most excellent tellers to be sure, but no one escaped. We must reclaim the story being lived and told our families. If we do not tell it, someone else will, and we may not always appreciate the bard our children choose to follow if we vacate our rightful role.