The Culture Code
Implementing wisdom from Daniel Coyle's book to make our environments feel like home
The second feature of Gregg Popovich’s communication, as celebrated by Daniel Coyle in The Culture Code, is what he calls "performance feedback."
Popovich is crystal clear with how each player’s performance has measured up to the team’s standards.
High standards and expectations are a crucial part of a thriving culture.
When we know someone loves us and values us because of the ways they express their affection and listen to our personal needs, then we trust them enough to let them help us grow.
Many modern families are lowering their expectations of children and unintentionally communicating, “You aren’t capable; let the adults.”
Instead, our actions must call children to higher conduct, insisting they are capable of growth.
Here are three ways to do this:
1. Refuse double standards for adults and children.
The only way Popovich is successful bringing critical feedback to his players is because he himself lives up to the standards he sets. No grown man is going to listen to someone he deems a hypocrite; no self-respecting teenager will either, though for a time most children will. This early-childhood time frame of followers leads many adults to actually hold kids to a higher standard of living than they display in their own life. Mom and Dad eat candy, but it’s not for the kids. The kids get in big trouble if they swear, but what if staff does it? Kids have to take a break when they are angry and out-of-control, but do the parents or teachers? We cannot have double-standards. Performance feedback can only help our kids grow if adults are likewise receiving feedback and being held to the same standard.
2. Be clear, don’t sugar-coat.
Most of the current research debunks the idea of providing negative feedback in a "compliment sandwich," or any other creative way. Simply telling people where they messed up and what you expect from them says, “You made a mistake, but we’re moving on.” Attempts to sugar-coat not only confuse the message, but have the underlying effect of making it seem worse than it really is. Pursue conflict when standards are not met. Make it quick and clean, but don’t try to make it painless.
3. Manage freedom based on responsibility.
To not meet our community’s standards or expectations means we don’t get full freedom as members of that community. Calm, clear action keeps children responsible for their own growth and tells them they are capable. If a child doesn’t use the freedom of their toy sword well, then they lose their toy sword until they grow their responsibility. Second chances, reminders, and adult hand-holding always undermine the message of capability we are trying to send kids.
Where does your environment need to grow in communicating and upholding high standards?
For more communication styles by Popovich and more implementations of The Culture Code,