We love kids by EXPECTING them to
Sit Alone, Quiet, & Still
In our 21st century world,
the norm is an abundance of people, noise, and motion.
Within the helter-skelter world of distraction, few people get enough time to just be alone, quiet, and still (especially all three at once . . . without technology!). It has gotten so rare, many of us don't even believe kids are capable of it. We work hard to keep them stimulated, entertained, and busy. We need to work hard to teach them how to be alone, quiet, and still.
Enforceable Expectation:
Children are welcome to get out of bed in the morning once Mom or Dad get them up.
If they wake before, they are expected to be alone, quiet, and still.
Children are welcome to enter school's free time, once they take five minutes to be alone, quiet, and still.
In most educational settings kids are expected to be quiet and still while listening to a teacher. This is not solitude, and when combined with the limiting of recess and other playful spaces, solitary processing time is all the more important. We can and should fight for proper play time, but it is also a healthy expectation to provide kids daily time to be quiet and still, not just when the teacher talks, but particularly when no one is teaching, leading, or directing them in any way.
All of us have our own ideas about how much solitude time is necessary, but the modern neglect of such time is not serving anyone well.
By increasing our expectations around kids' capacity to be alone, quiet, and still, we set them up for a life of self-control, able to provide themselves the time and space necessary to process the deluge of information ever coming at them.
Additional Benefits:
Kids who are able to be alone, quiet, and still . . .
1. Listen and control themselves better all the time.
2. Make stronger connections to what they've been taught.
3. Have opportunity to take knowledge and transfer it to creativity and wisdom.
4. Learn boredom is a personal problem.
5. Do not need to be entertained.
6. Live from peace, rather than anxiety.
Ideas for Implementation:
Help kids be alone, quiet, and still . . .
1. Make it a norm to take reflection breaks when learning new material.
2. Pause to just observe nature or other aspects of the world around you.
3. Expect kids to stay quiet in bed once put there and until retrieved in morning.
4. Help kids define a special place they go to be alone or take breaks.
5. Let kids see you being alone, quiet, and still.
6. Practice blanket time with infants and toddlers, where they are not allowed to leave a blanket.
7. Ask questions, and then provide a few minutes reflection before receiving answers.
8. Have everyone, including adults, take a daily afternoon rest.
What are your expectations around solitude communicating to children?
Pick one of the above ideas to experiment with this week,
and do your kids the favor of expecting more from their ability to be alone, quiet, and still.
For more on raising your expectations for children,
visit here and go to the "High Expectations" topic tab