When adults fail to accept and act like authority, discipline becomes a contest or competition to see who can play the game better: adults or kids. Whose will and bag of tricks will outlast the other? Instead, when adults consistently and calmly give kids what they need, not everything they want, they are established as the dependable source of authority a child is hardwired to look toward for direction. This is the truth of attachment theory. Children want you to lead them in authority!

This week I want to encourage all of us to practice saying things only once.

A faith in our own words is a sign of a proper understanding of authority.

"It's time to go."
"You may not."
"Today we are eating . . . "

When children respond by ignoring us, arguing, whining, or doing the opposite, it can be taken as confirmation that we have failed to act as authority.

Realizing this, we don't need to get upset, start negotiating, or lose control of ourselves. Instead, we ACT in authority.

If a child doesn't come when it's time to leave the playground, we don't beg or yell, we just don't let them come next time.

If a child plays with something they are not supposed to, we don't negotiate or fly off the handle, we simply make the item disappear.

If a child starts to whine about the food we are providing them, we do not talk about children in Africa or give them something else, we simply take their food and let them know they'll be welcome to eat when they're grateful.

Authority ACTs on its word. Doing so, it gives children a source of direction they can trust, a person they can have faith in.